3 Common Things I Hear As A Woman’s Coach

In this post I’ll do 3 things:

• First, share the top 3 things I hear most often in coaching women.
• Second, share what they have in common, and how they play out in life.
• Lastly, give 2 steps you can do immediately to help address them – and ways you can go even further.

So let’s get to it!

The Top 3.

The first step I take with any coaching client, both individuals and group clients, is to better understand why they’re seeking help.  Through an assessment, conversations with them, and a form they complete before we chat, three things seem to bubble up to the surface again and again. 

1. I’d like to feel in control (again).
2. I’d like to have a better relationship with food and my body.
3. I’d like to feel confident again and do the things I actually want to do.

All the women are intelligent, they’re successful in traditional and non-traditional ways, many of them you’d never know they were feeling these things and yet, they are – quietly, underneath having it all together.

What Do They Share?

Let’s pull these apart a bit in terms of how the women talk about them, what they’re really seeking, and what’s in the way.  See if you can begin to notice some themes emerging.

Control.  It is such a common theme in my work and it’s talked about in terms of control over food cravings, control of her schedule, her family life …she just wants to feel like she has it together (instead of just appearing to have it together).  Feeling “scattered” or “often getting off track” is how they explain the sense of “no control” in their lives.

Now let’s dig into the relationship with food and body.  Deep breath with this one because there are so many factors on why women may feel like they do not have a good relationship with either.  Bad experiences with diets, disordered eating, start then stop relationships and habits, among many other reasons she talks about.  Somewhere along the journey her relationship with food became more about restriction and less about pleasure and fueling her physically.  Somewhere along the journey her relationship with her body became a body image, an expectation and less of a sacred temple holding the story of all they’ve been through together.

Somewhere along the journey her relationship with food became more about restriction and less about pleasure and fueling her physically.

Somewhere along the journey her relationship with her body became a body image, an expectation and less of a sacred temple holding the story of all they’ve been through together.

 

And lastly, confidence and the ability to do the things she wants to do.  She explains this as frustration with starting and stopping when it comes to herself and not having “that thing, that energy”, that “feeling like herself.”  It can look like: the gym class, pack lunches regularly, read more, visit friends, wear jean shorts again, buying the scarf that speaks to her.  She’s confident at caring for others but when it comes to herself, the confidence isn’t there or not consistent.

Do you see any themes?  Do you see how each of the top three things, control, relationship with body and food, and confidence overlap one another?  Do you relate to any of them? 

2 Things To Do First.

I’m going to focus on two major steps to take first in addressing each of the top three, and ways to dig further.

#1 Start With New Eyes.  

When women talk about what’s getting in the way of dealing with these top three struggles, a lot of times you can feel and see her displeasure with herself – she’s often angry, sad, feeling defeated or hopeless.  She’s not feeling a lot of love for herself or any of the things she’s already doing or has done in the past.  But for lasting change to occur, it needs to come from a place of love or at least greater awareness and not hate.  We’ve all heard the stories about “I’ll be happy when …” I get to a weight/job/relationship/some goal, but once that goal is realized we are still with ourselves.  

Starting with new eyes can begin at the end of a clarity session.  In conversation and further discussion of her paperwork I spend a significant amount of time getting to know her past, health, goals, struggles and more. I often end this session with a guided meditation focused on gratitude.  I have her close her eyes and I reflect back to her, her own journey thus far, giving thanks to each step, and who she was at each point and how it led her here, to a very brave step along her journey.  Her, brave?  That didn’t cross her mind before.  We give thanks and tears often fall down her cheeks, she’s never thanked herself before or honored her journey – she’s been so focused on where she hasn’t gone yet or can’t seem to get to, but not anymore, she is starting with new eyes.

Her, brave?  That didn’t cross her mind before. 

We give thanks and tears often fall down her cheeks, she’s never thanked herself before or honored her journey.  She’s been so focused on where she hasn’t gone yet or can’t seem to get to, but not anymore, she is starting with new eyes.

 

# 2 Clarity.  

When I probe into each of these areas and ask her about her journey that led up to the perceived struggle/issue, it never fails that we somehow get to a point where you can see her wheels turning.  She’s never considered some of these questions before or reassessed because life demands and blessings just kept happening.  More and more needed to be juggled, and it became especially difficult to think about even pausing in order to really address them.  

You have to get clear.  What do you really want?  What is your enough (not someone else’s)?  What do you want it to look and feel like in your life?  How would it make a difference?  Once we determine her true vision, her true intention we can begin to carve a path specifically for it.  Just outlining and getting crystal clear on what she wants/doesn’t want, how it looks you begin to see confidence and energy grow, and a newfound enthusiasm for the path made for her going forward.  The space between where she is and where she wants to go just got a little closer.

The space between where she is and where she wants to go just got a little closer.

Going Further.

When you are in the thick of it, it can be difficult navigating these first two steps and going further.  Having a guide can help save time, effort, money, and sanity.  If you relate to these things and are interested in going further you might consider coaching.

I’m Dina Haggenjos, a holistic life +integrative health & nutrition coach for women, doula, Founder of Free WELL, mom of twin girls and one boy, and wife to Dr. Pete.

• I am an inner power enthusiast.  More intuition, less restriction in mind, body, health, life is my jam.
• I offer individual and group coaching – both virtually (be anywhere) and in-person for local Cincinnati/Northern KY women.
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